Poem from Novosibirsk to Krasnoyarsk

I was promised inspiration, here
cab car rocking in the middle of the night,
thin white birch trees flashing by in the darkness.
We rumble down the tracks, endlessly,
We stop in still towns, full of dachas, surrounded
by dark, forbidden woods.
Inspiration I've expected, since the first night I awoke,
peering like a child at the trees and stars reeling by.
Now I can't count how many times I've ridden the Trans-Siberian Railroad;
How many times I've felt the string of cars settle to a stop,
sitting outside brightly colored train station after the next;
How many times I've waited in the same stations,
laughed with sarcastic conductors and attendants;
Fumbled for my passport at the train platform;
Told stories in a two-person compartment-- to one, to four,
to ten people, huddled in;
How many times I've made my own bed, rolled out old mattresses,
thick, deep, dense pillows, wondering how to sleep;
How many times I've looked straight up into the night,
to see the stars, holding still, anchored, ordained to their stations,
stiller, stiller than the road or the train or I could ever be.

Easter Movie/Song

Wandering Stranger from Emily Brown on Vimeo.

Scars

(October 2012)

I realize now that I am accumulating scars,

and that they mean things,

scattered into poems, knotted deeply into the weave

of my memory, veins in a stone.

This most recent, threaded with a blue stitch,

in my forehead, where everyone can see;

I watch people seeing it on the bus, and too,

they look at my nametag, at things that mark me,

and I watch them putting them together,

and I wonder how other people things that these things

happen, if they connect the details outside me,

fabricating events in my life, simple as an answer to

the question, “How did you get those stitches on your

head?”

Later it will be, how did you end up with those scars,

all of them, wherever they are.

Three thin lines by my right ankle, the slash on my left arm.

There will be some dark line here, on my forehead,

the white line in the little of my right palm,

and a cluster of scar tissue, like a tiny nebula,

situated over the arc of my hipbone,

and if I keep this up, this wild flailing and

misinterpretation and lack of awareness,

I will tumble haphazard through the world, dragging its nails

beneath me, trying to catch what it can catch.

I will leave skin behind; in return, here are scars,

deep memories in them, now like dreams,

now replayed so many times they are oral legend to me.

Where did you get those scars, says my mind to

my mind, as if a stranger asks me,

and this repetition begins:

Aprilist

Yeah, yeah, the month is half over, but this is my Aprilist.

1. Open my mission call.
2. Start recording Green Things.
3. Watch my favorite movie with Chris.
4. Go to Niels's mission farewell.
5. Give 10 things to charity.
6. Sing in church with Mom and Madelyn.
7. Write Maddison a letter.
8. Hang out with London friends.
9. Make dinner two times.
10. Keep my room clean.

As promised, some church songs.

  Eine Kleine Churchmusik by Listen to Emily Brown

Eine Kleine Churchmusik

Will probably never forgive me for putting this on my blog. Good thing he never reads my blog.

I was in this ward just after he got transferred from it. HA.

Today I'm recording a bunch of hymns for some of my missionary friends, including but not limited to Sam, Mike, and (not pictured) the lovely Natalie. Surprisingly enough, my favorite one so far is "I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus."

Anyway, if you're going on a mission or if you just like church music, they'll be available on SoundCloud in a few days. FO FREE.

Live Through This and You Won't Look Back.

(Image: David Daniels Photography)

(Image: Star Tales)

I learned something new today, about friends (which, yes, I am still blogging about) and about myself. I was writing a letter to my friend Mike, who is currently serving a mission in London. I've been in a weird kind of funk lately; I woke up this morning super stressed with absolutely no reason to be, and I feel dissatisfied with most things most of the time. I was writing about this and I asked him for advice when I guess I answered my own question. Looking for more interesting news to write, I told him about how the Provo Tabernacle burned down inside last month.

Next, realized the following:

a. I wouldn't be writing about ideas if I weren't writing to Mike. Sometimes the best friends are the ones who provoke thought. I have always been able to have deep conversations with Mike, gospel-related and otherwise, and I'm grateful that for a friend who I feel comfortable having those conversations with.

b. I don't know how else to say the second part without just using my letter. I'm just going to quote.

In some other news, the inside of the Provo Tabernacle burned down a few weeks ago, which was really sad. The good thing, though, is that the outside (which is brick, if you recall) is preserved, and it provides an opportunity for a great remodel and update of the Tabernacle now. I’m not sure how soon that will happen, but from the looks of what I saw driving by yesterday, they probably will remodel.
You can even see that as a metaphor! It’s like getting rid of old habits or things you don’t like about yourself, I guess. Sometimes you have to get all burnt up inside in order to make a clean start, and in order to progress from there. The inside doesn't even necessarily have to be negative. The Provo Tabernacle was a great building, and it served perfectly well for hundreds of years. But maybe it wasn't as great as it could be. It’s like exchanging something okay for something awesome. That’s hard, of course, because you don’t know whether the “okay” will even be replaced with awesome. I guess that’s where faith comes in. We have to trust that the Lord lets us go through trials and get a little damaged in order to make us and our lives greater than we ever could have been before. Maybe on our own, we can be decent, and even good. But when we submit our will to the Fathers’, and rely on him in the face of trial, he can make us great. I’m grateful for that.

Anyway, it's good to be learning things. I'm the worst at conclusions, so this is all I'll write.

Some things I am thankful for:

1. Good people and bicycle thieves, and learning from both.
2. A new sketchbook (which I have only drawn typography in so far).
3. Lemon tea and craisins.
4. Roommates who love Harry Potter as much as I do.

5. The gorgeous sunset over Provo tonight.
6. Speaking, hearing, reading, and writing poems. (Also, BKDG.)
7. Phone conversations with my mom about recipes, boys, and life.
8. Picking out a Christmas tree for the TMA office today with Elizabeth (my boss and good friend).
9. Letters and emails from my missionary friends:

Sam and his doodles of us.
Molalla, Washington

Mike (nice tie.)
London, UK

10. The healing power of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

He's back.

He can solve a Rubiks cube in a minute.

Other than that, he's basically the same.

The Texas-est cookies you've ever seen.

\

Tomorrow!

Soonnnn.

Three days until these kids are reunited.

My parents are flying from Ontario to Dallas today and touring around his mission with him, meeting everyone. They fly back with him on Friday. Sunday is his homecoming and some of us are speaking, including me. My little brother said he wanted to give a talk just so he could sit next to Collin on the stand. Our extended family will be there for the meeting and then lunch at our house. After that, there are two or three days before Collin and I drive to Provo.

And then I have my brother for the whole year. :)

So Long, Sam.

Hi. This is Sam.

I met Sam in my freshman English class (Honors 150: Writing and Rhetoric) this year. We realized very soon that we had a creepy amount in common and became really good friends.

I think the time we first hung out was after a football game. We saw a weird movie at International Cinema, played penny golf, rolled down the library hill, and then got a guitar and a ukulele and played music on some stairs by the RB.

Good times.


Some of the vaguely strange things we have in common are:

• We own the same shirt, from American Apparel (in the respective Mens' and Womens' versions). On top of this, that shirt happens to be my absolute favorite color and therefore one of my favorite things to wear.
• We enjoy all the same books: Steinbeck, Fitzgerald, etc. We are both borderline obsessed with The Great Gatsby. Oh, and Harry Potter.
• And my personal favorite: We were sitting next to each other at the 2009 Anaheim Choir Festival, and had no idea that less than a year later, we would become very close friends. 

This is one of many times we went to Salt Lake City. Sam's grandparents live up there, so we'd go visit them and finish his grandma's puzzles for her. We'd also walk around Salt Lake looking around in different stores. On this night, we just explored, along with our friend Dan.

We reference Harry Potter constantly, which is kind of part of our generation. This picture is Sam/"Harry" looking into a Pensieve.

Other Harry Potter references:

• Once we got wheat grass shots at Jamba Juice and called it Polyjuice potion.
• People: Sam- Harry. Dan- Ron. Emily- Hermione. Asian Girl in our class- Cho Chang. President Gordon B. Hinckley- Dumbledore. Karl G. Maeser- Godric Gryffindor.
• Places: Velour- The Leaky Cauldron. Wilkinson Center Terrace -The Great Hall. JDawgs -The Three Broomsticks. Etc, etc.

Anyway, the point of all this is that Sam is leaving on his mission today, and I am going to miss him exceedingly. He's one of my closest friends and I'm so pleased that I met him this year. I'm going to see him  and talk one more time today and then he's off to the MTC and later, Portland!

In conclusion:

Sam, you can be sure I'll be writing, fool. Even though you're not going to read this.

The End. :)

CRAP!

I forgot to post yesterday! So here is what I did, I guess, and I'll post twice today??

Anyway, I went in for training at my job in the TMA office (WHICH I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT!!!) and learned a lot about InDesign and how fun and amazing that office is! I'm so psyched to start work there. I'm going to get to do all these awesome design projects all year. I think I'm going to learn a lot, which is what I'm looking forward to the most.

Later, after that, Charné and I went on an adventure and got lost on the bus system until we got to the post office in Provo (which, thankfully, was where we were headed). There, we got a very important letter my mom sent to me which the postman, for some reason, thought I needed to sign for. Anyway, it was this big stupid mishap. We rode back to campus after that, and I went to the Student Employment Office and finally got hired OFFICIALLY. Maybe I can get paid before Christmas. That would be amazing, because then I could get everyone amazing presents.

After that, I walked home through the snow with the best intentions of being productive. And then I got home and just... wasn't. :/

Later, Charné, Marissa (our kind of adopted roommate) and I all went to a farewell party for two guys in our ward who are leaving on their missions soon. It was really fun. :)

We got home around two in the morning. And then I knocked out.

In a few random pieces of news:

I think I've finished my song in G... but I'm kind of afraid that it will say too much.

I love the Weepies. I LOVE them.

I can't wait to come home and feel the sun and see all the people I miss!

Back at home!

Well, all three of my adventures were a BLAST, and I don't feel like writing about them here since that's all I've been doing in my journal of late. To sum it up, I made a lot of new friends (Megan, Beth, Gus, Mykalanne- to name a few) and learned a lot about myself. I've been doing much better at scripture study and prayer and I've started writing a book, which I'm really proud of, even though it's only about 12 pages long, and that's in my handwriting. :)
On Monday Leslie came over and we celebrated her birthday together by making cookies and watching part of Sense and Sensibility and all of Truly Madly Deeply (I'd forgotten how sad that was). Anyway, we had a fun night, and now Leslie's 19!!!!
Last night I went and saw Batman: the Dark Night with my friend Mykalanne. IT WAS SUCH AN AWESOME movie! I actually think I want to go see it again. It was so thrilling, but then there were all these cool lines and monologues (especially by the Joker) that I completely adored. I was not disappointed. Myky is writing a story about the Joker right now, so I'm helping her with it. We wrote a little bit after the movie and then we just ran around the River for a few hours before we remembered that other people existed and we were probably supposed to call and have someone take us home. So my Mom picked us up and that was the night.
Collin's farewell is this Sunday, and I'm a little scared, but I'm glad he's doing the right thing and going on a mission. :) I'll miss him.
I guess that's all.