ONE.

Yesterday Maren turned a year old. She danced to The Promised Land and cried all through Happy Birthday. These are some noises she makes.



I love her more than I know how to love.

Februarilist

1. Visit Huntington Gardens.
2. Celebrate Maren's first birthday with a blanket fort.
3. Finish my yearbook and mail it to Sam.
4. Submit my application for Ecuador.
5. Submit poetry to five publications.
6. Make Valentines. 
7. Start recording a new album.
8. Volunteer at CVRM or Martha's Village at least once.
9. Give 20 things to charity.
10. Finish at least one abandoned song idea.

They won't let the blue boy down.

(Chuck Barry, The Promised Land)

Januarilist

1. Play at the Slumber Party shows with Book on Tape Worm.
2. Submit poetry to 5 publications.
3. Give 20 things to charity. (24 down)
4. Cook dinner for my family 5 times. (5 down)
5. Teach Maren to touch one note on the piano at a time.
6. Go to a Mexican Panedería with my dad.
7. Drive to the Salton Sea.
8. Visit St. George with some London friends. (CANCELLED!) Replacement: Record 10 songs for missonaries.
9. See a movie at the Palm Springs International Film Festival.
10. Finish making scarves.

P.S. My brother just walked into my closet and said "Well, time to go to the other dimension," and shut the door in front of himself.

P.P.S. Oh, you love Book on Tape Worm? Yeah, me too.

10 Things I Have Been Doing Lately.

1. Getting a dog. Its name is Biko. (Courtesy of Dad.)
2. Listening to Music for 18 Musicians by Reich.
3. Reading Dubliners by James Joyce.
4. Giving 50 things to DI.
5. Editing poetry and writing in journals.
6. Writing ideas and goals on my mirror.
7. Looking at jobs and old pianos on Craigslist.
8. Scribbling in charcoal. (Sometimes drawing).
9. Reading the Book of Mormon for rhetorical devices.
10. Winding up my snowglobe and watching Maren tip it over to figure out how it works.

Also, I'm playing at Velour this weekend with Book on Tape Worm. Come say hi.

Decemberlist

1. Bump n' Grind hike with Mom.
2. Living room fort with Maren.
3. Homemade orange juice.
4. Boat parade in Newport Beach.
5. Volunteer at CVRM.
6. Take Dad to Borough Market.
7. Give twenty things to charity.  (25 down)
8. Visit Frank Sinatra's grave. (Seriously? I don't think I'm ever going to do this.)(UPDATE: DONE)
9. Hug my grandparents.
10. Give good gifts.

Maren's Lullaby

Here's the lullaby, as finished as it can be for now. I got Madelyn and Melissa to sing on it, and I think putting this together was pretty neat to do as sisters. Madelyn is the lowest voice and Melissa is the inordinately high one. They made up their own harmonies. My favorite part of this song is about a minute in, when some cool harmonies come in and there are a few soaring notes in all the parts. Anyway, the song is the second track on this music player. Happy listening!

Seeing Maren

When Dad called me in I walked over in the soft light,
And kneeling next to a crib I know I laid in
Peeked through at her for the first time
Sometimes there aren't enough words
The tiniest yawn I've ever seen
(Between quick, sweet breaths)
Coming from this perfect face and nose
And blinked-shut eyes
Her head the size of a fist
And fist the size of a thumb
Her fingernails drips of barely opaque paint
On the ends of blushing curled fingers
She blinked for an instant
The dark globes of her eyes
Maybe having registered a stranger
And then closed.
I crouched before her, transfixed.
There was nothing else.

Important Things:

Today my newest little sister was born. She is pink and beautiful and literally reminds me of a flower. She doesn't have a name yet.

In other news, my excuse for a poem today:

I'm too tired to write
something, much less something good.
Here's a lame haiku.

Little Sixth. (Or, HOLY MOLY.)

Can't wait to meet this kid.

So...my mom is pregnant.

One

 

Two

 

Three

Four

 Five

Six:

?

Sunday...sundaysundaysunday.

Only a very select group of people will get that reference.

Like, Madelyn.

I need to organize my ideas. I think I'm going to do the list thing again. That's always fun.

1. Today is Sunday and IT SNOWED!!!! That is- it's snowed before, but this time it's sticking, and it's deep, and it's unbelievably gorgeous!

2. Yesterday, our ward had an activity and we rode the train to Salt Lake City and walked around temple square together! It was so pretty to see all the lights, spend time with friends, and get to know some of those people better. (I feel like I don't go to those activities enough)

3. Tomorrow, a great band called NightNight is playing at my favorite music venue: Velour! I can't wait to see them play!

4. If anyone feels like obliging me for Christmas, I'm in love with these boots. Click here for the link.

5. I'm writing my next This I Believe about serendipity... and sort of finding something good when you're at an ultimate low. It should be good. :)

I guess that's all for now!

NaBloPoMo and This I Believe

Hey, everyone! I've decided to participate in NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) for the month of December (and CHRISTMAS!!!). It's my goal this month to do something specific and good for someone every day, so you'll be hearing about that a lot, I guess. In fact, that should continue after December. :) It just so happens that the theme for the month is "Mitzvah," which, according to Wikipedia, refers to 620 commandments in traditional Judaism. However, the word also means "an act of human kindness," which goes right along with what I hope to do.

Anyway, for my first post, I've decided to put up my most recent This I Believe essay. Enjoy!

Thicker Than Water

I have a personal mandate from the universe which is literally in my blood.

I learned this as a senior in high school, when I donated blood for the first time. I have O-Negative blood, which means I can donate to any other blood type. I'm what's called a universal donor.

We'd known about the blood drive for a few weeks. I was seventeen, so I could officially donate by then. The only thing holding me back was my own fear. It creeped me out that the nurse might dig around in my arm for a vein, or that I might pass out if I hadn't eaten enough. My dad, who is a giant at 6'4" and the last person you'd expect to freak out, faints when he gives blood.

I went anyway, of course, and missed my Spanish class fifth period less-than-grudgingly. Some friends and I walked over to the gym at our school and waited in line. I was terrified, to say the least. Waiting in the queue with my friends, I kept saying out loud how unafraid I was, as if it would help me feel better. Eventually I went into a booth where a lady pricked my finger and found out that I'm not anemic. Shortly after that, I was sitting in a chair with blood flowing out of my arm.

Despite my thin, deep veins, the nurse had found my vein without a hitch. The needle didn't hurt. I wasn't passing out. I was just talking to the nurse about vacations I'd taken, and suddenly I was drinking water and eating cookies before going back to class.

Donating blood, however, wasn't successful because I evaded pain or because I managed to stay conscious the entire time. Donating blood is simply a form of service, something I can to do keep someone else from dying, or worse, from the immeasurable grief of losing a loved one.

Just as I was afraid to open a vein for a dying patient, I believe that it's hard to find room in my schedule, my home, or my heart for serving other people. It can appear inconvenient, time-consuming, and downright frightening. Yet, in the long run, I believe that when I give up part of me for the sake of someone else, I am doing my part as a member of the human race.

I believe we're all universal donors of a different kind: we have the power to donate our time, our love, and ourselves in the service of another person. In our blood, which we share, we have an infinitely more unifying factor than inherited antigens or whatever it is that makes a blood type singular. We share our humanity. This brotherhood and sisterhood is our mandate from the universe to do everything we can for one another. I believe in giving my blood and my life to someone else, because every person's blood and life are equally important as my own. Every human bleeds red. There is no one on this earth who doesn't need to be loved. I believe our blood unites us. I believe in being a universal donor.

The Parable of the Bicycle Thief

This is my second This I Believe essay, and I think I've done a slightly better job this time around. Enjoy!

I named my bicycle Alex, after the artist, Alexander Girard. It was a vintage-style beach cruiser, candy-apple red, with Mr. Girard’s “Madonna” painted on both sides of the skirt guard. It had a chrome lamp on the front, powered by the wheels, and a silvery-sounding bell, which friends, acquaintances, and even strangers would ask to ring.

Most days when I go to ride my bike to school, I scan the rack for a minute or so, trying to remember where I parked the day before. Last Thursday, I did this, weaving through the rows and glancing around for that familiar flash of red.

It was several seconds before I realized that my bike simply wasn’t there.

Later that morning, I told my friends that our beloved Alex had been kidnapped. Some told me furiously that they would knock over anyone riding my bike. More than one of my good friends has scoured Craigslist and the rest of the internet, hunting for my bike. That night, my roommates walked with me in the freezing cold to every single bike rack in our apartment complex to look for Alex, and at last, to the one I used to park at.

“I feel like we’re standing around a grave,” said Chelsee.

“Alex was a good bike,” I said, jokingly.

“Whenever I saw him on campus, it made me smile!” said Charne.

I have wondered about the kind of mean-hearted person who stole my bike. My thoughts, originally, were full of prejudices and resentment, but mostly pain that any feeling person could do that to me. I will probably never meet the bicycle thief, but that person hurt me without any reason to. Conversely, since I'm a freshman in college, the friends of which I speak are people whose trust and love I have gained over mere months, weeks, or even days.

Lying on the grass with one of my new friends, I listened to her tell me about how maybe the bicycle thief was a kind of Aladdin character. She said maybe he’d stolen the bike to pay for a dying child’s operation, and once he had a magic lamp, he’d give me my bike back.

Obviously, this is extremely unlikely, but despite the fact that there are bicycle thieves in the world, there are friends who make up ridiculous stories to comfort you. There are roommates who will walk in the freezing cold with you for a nearly lost cause. There are people who will search all over the internet for something formerly irrelevant to them, just because they care about you.

All people have the power to be bicycle thieves, but every human being also has the power to share happiness . My encounter with the bicycle thief taught me that bicycle thieves are, fortunately, a minority, and that there are people who will wrap you in love whenever you even vaguely need it. Thankfully, those are the people I find around myself now.

The Bucket List

This semester, I am taking a freshman seminar titled "This I Believe," (after the wonderful NPR program) about personal narratives and statements of belief. For one of our first assignments, we had to write a list of one hundred things to do before we die. Here is mine (organized by categories my professor suggested):

Community

1. Write to the President.
2. Write to my Congressman.
3. Have an editorial published in the WSJ.
4. Vote at all major elections.
5. Serve on some sort of decision-making board.

Creativity

6. Publish a novel.
7. Learn to play the guitar.
8. Publish an album on iTunes.
9. Perform a big concert.
10. Publish poetry in a big magazine.
11. Conduct an orchestra or choir, performing a piece I composed.
12. Be in a musical.
13. Learn to play the cello.
14. Be in a band.
15. Get an essay published on This I Believe.
16. Sing opera in public.
17. Participate in Story Corps.
18. Participate in NaBloPoMo without missing a day!
19. Paint a picture I am proud of.

Friends or Friendships

20. Don't be afraid of strangers.
21. Don't withhold compliments.
22. Smile at random people.
23. Show genuine interest in people.
24. Be a better conversationalist.

Spiritual Life (or values)

25. Have mighty, sincere prayers.
26. Read the Old Testament.
27. Have a smile for everyone.
28. Fulfill my Patriarchal Blessing,
29. Always be willing to serve in callings.
30. Go to the temple frequently (once a week, if I am close).
31. See my whole family in the temple.

Health

32. Never be overweight.
33. Always keep the Word of Wisdom.
34. Exercise daily.
35. Take vitamins.
36. Ride my bicycle places, even when it's far.
37. Be a vegetarian for a week.

Helping, Service, Civic Action

38. Serve a mission (senior or as a sister missionary).
39. Work as a poll worker.
40. Volunteer at various organizations.
41. Give a bunch of cheeseburgers to hobos, like Chris McCandless in Into the Wild.

Home

42. Learn to make clothes.
43. Sew a decent dress.
44. Learn to make Foccacia and other bread from scratch.
45. Have a "famous" recipe for something.
46. Read to kids.
47. Bear testimony to kids.
48. Teach kids to be responsible.
49. Have pictures of Christ all around the house.
50. Have a musical family.
51. Read the scriptures every night as a family.

Learning

52. Learn Swedish, French, and German.
53. Learn to compose music really well.
54. Be a great, coherent writer.
55. Be a ham radio operator.
56. Finish The Brothers Karamazov.
57. Read Crime and Punishment.
58. Consistently read different books out of any general type.

Love or Love Relationship

59. Fast and pray before marriage.
60. Marry a return missionary.
61. Marry in the temple for eternity.
62. Write a song with my future husband.
63. Do whatever I can to make my spouse happy.

Money or Standard of Living

64. Be able to stay at home with my children.
65. Make a living composing or writing.
66. Live in a house with lots of windows.
67. Have well-designed furniture.

Neighborhood

68. Paint a mural where I live.
69. Have a "park day" with other moms and kids in my neighborhood.

Play or Recreation

70. Get really good at tennis.
71. Learn to play ultimate frisbee.
72. Learn to waterski.
73. Live on Gotland for at least a year.
74. Drive a fast car, fast, on Gotland Ring.
75. Visit Charne in South Africa.
76. Play with lions.
77. Swim with dolphins.
78. Go on the big roller coaster at California Adventure, overcoming my fear of roller coasters.
79. Skip around New York City, especially in public places.
80. See the Pyramids.
81. Go to Israel and Jerusalem.
82. Go to Australia.
83. Go to Spain and speak Spanish to real Spaniards.
84. Pull one all-nighter. Then never again.
85. Hike Timpanogos.
86. Visit all fifty states.

Relationships with Children

87. Give birth.
88. Teach children about the gospel.
89. Make sure they know I love them.
90. Have great Family Home Evenings.

Relationships with Relatives

91. Be patient with uncles and aunts.
92. Write letters to grandparents.
93. Be the future host of Cousin's Conference.
94. See grandchildren often.
95. See great-grandchildren.

Self-Esteem

96. Don't be afraid to take risks.
97. Smile at everyone.
98. Overcome phobiae.

Work and Retirement

99. Work at a radio station.
100. Be a professional musician.

This is flawed; some of the "Home" stuff belongs in "Relationships with Children," but for me, those will be basically the same thing. Plus, these aren't all exactly concrete. That is, I can't check them off the list in the near future. I guess I've made it more like a list of goals I'd like to accomplish in the long run. Anyway, I'm sure I will edit and add to it in the near future, and I'll keep you updated when I do.

A note to Madelyn: can you configure your blog so that I can leave a comment? As it is, I will just have to say here that I have never seen a Beanie Babie with the seam ripped; now I wonder what's in one. :) Ha ha ha! I miss you a lot, and when I get back, we will have to go on some kind of adventure. I am glad you're having fun in school; re-read what I wrote in your yearbook if you need me to reiterate how wonderful you are!

Another thing: you all need to log on to Skype more or Google Chat or something. And write something new on The Brown Dirt.

I think that's all. :)